Insight for Spouse, Friend, Coworkers...

I have a confession to make...I LOVE personality quizzes!  I love taking a random internet quiz and then reading the result that attempts to explain who I am. :)  This one is my new favorite: I'm Spontaneous Idealist...what are you?
Have some fun!  Click the link and comment back and let me know what you are and how accurate it was for you.
I found it EERIE cause it is me to a T.

After reading my friends results, I am struck again by what an amazing world we live in with so many different people and personalities.  I love the variety! And that many of us manage to live in harmony is pretty impressive, when you think about it.

I have to be careful and remind myself that with the variety there needs to be sensitivity.  I've recently been coached on this at work...I'll use this quote from the quiz results to explain myself:

Spontaneous Idealists are masters of communication and very amusing and gifted entertainers. Fun and variety are guaranteed when they are around. However, they are sometimes too impulsive in dealing with others and can hurt people without really meaning to do so, due to their direct and sometimes critical nature.

I am a positive and enthusiastic person with a smile on 90% of the time.  I take criticism pretty well because I know it's an opportunity to grow, I have confidence, and I can turn just about anything into a positive. :) But I forget other people may be more sensitive and this has been a flaw of mine I'm working on improving. Some people are not as naturally optimistic as me and negative feedback may actually...hurt their feelings. *gasp* Something that never occurred to me till it was pointed out.

This article also gave me an 'ah-ha' moment regarding my marriage.  As my blog has mainly been about my personal struggles, I was curious about the relationship portion of this quiz:

If Spontaneous Idealists have just fallen in love, the sky is full of violins and their new partners are showered with attention and affection. This type then bubbles over with charm, tenderness and imagination. But, unfortunately, it soon becomes boring for them once the novelty has worn off. Boring everyday life in a partnership is not for them so that many Spontaneous Idealists slip from one affair into another. However, should the partner manage to keep their curiosity alive and not let routine and familiarity gain the upper hand, Spontaneous Idealists can be inspiring and loving partners.

If you had asked me previous to taking this, "Lauren, do you get bored in your relationships?" I'm not sure my answer would have been 'yes'. Because that would be admitting to a flaw that seems pretty immature to me. But after taking time to consider if that may be a real weakness of mine...I will admit that it may be more true than I want it to be.

When we stopped doing date night and the mundane routine of life took over...I went on autopilot.  I think my husband did too.  (And at the time, it was a survival requirement...with 2 children under the age of 3.) But that is when things started to get tough.  It makes sense because I want to be challenged and I want to have fun...and I wasn't getting either in my marriage. What a nice reminder that what I loving refer to as my "life ADD" is a part of my personality and not something I need to be ashamed of.  It's something I can admit to and then turn it into specific advice for myself:  "Lauren, make your marriage fun!  If you aren't having fun with your spouse, you're gonna get into that rut again."

Along this same line, it will come as no surprise that my top love language is quality time. Doing something...ANYTHING other than dinner, dishes, bathtime, bedtime every single stinkin' night seems to be the secret to my success. :)

Some people are critical of my need to constantly be doing something new and fun, and now I know why. They have a different personality type and would never be interested in doing that themselves.  To them harmony, peace, routine, and reliability are core strengths and the idea of going on vacation every single weekend may seem insane. I've been given the "work first then play" talk many times by my mother and have worried that my  'I want to play' attitude was immature. But my mother is a planner and a loving homebody who would be out of her comfort zone if she did something on a whim. Neither attitude is WRONG.  This is my new insight and accepting this as natural is so freeing for me.

We all have expectations from family, friends, coworkers, managers...but we are who we are.  So if you are butting heads with someone, it's probably because their personality is different...not because one of you is right and the other is wrong.  Take a moment to step back and look at both views as valid, and appreciate both sides.  Then maybe you need to do what I did:  Accept that both are truths and maybe even give yourself permission to think the "wrong" way...cause it might not be wrong.  Always be open to compromise and to growing in depth of ourselves and understanding of others, but don't change yourself just to please someone else. You won't be happy.

Now, we have to be more cautious of fully embracing "I am who I am" in our marriages.  I can't tell you the number of times I've heard someone say "this is who I am!  Accept it or leave." If you LOVE your significant other and you want them to be happy and you want to be happy, you can't stomp your foot down and expect complete acceptance.  Compromise is key to both people finding harmony and happiness.

If you and your spouse are opposites, try compromising on the basics.

If she's a planner and you're the spontaneous one, let her plan the trip a month in advance but keep it a secret. Then you are surprised and get to go with the flow and she gets to take the time to get comfortable with it and analyze all the choices before she makes them. :)

If she is a social butterfly and you are the introvert, don't think letting her have her girls night once/week is going to be enough.  She most likely wants you to be there with her when she's fluttering. :)  So find a compromise and be willing to go out with her so many times a month and in return get her to snuggle with you on the couch regularly.

Remember: If you both continually ask "what can I do to make my spouse smile today?" you're on the road to happily ever after.